Conversations about death

When Victoria Wickman first came into contact with the work around the final afterlife, she saw something that touched her deeply. Despite a great deal of involvement in the industry, the care of the deceased was often characterized by procedures that were mechanical and lacked the care that people deserve, both in respect for the departed and for those who remain.

With a background as a political scientist and many years in the public sector, Victoria trained as an undertaker. During her internship, it became clear to her how much a dignified presentation of the body means to relatives. She describes herself as simple and human:

I don't want my relatives to see me in an undignified condition, and I don't want to leave them with that image. '

Her Company, Rest in Peace, is today is one of the few in Sweden offering advanced post-mortem cosmetics and reconstruction. By restoring damage and giving the body the most dignified appearance possible, Victoria creates the opportunity for relatives to say goodbye in a way that feels safe, respectful and healing.

Caring beyond the visible

For Victoria, the work isn't just about technology and cosmetics, it's about people's last impressions of someone they loved. In cases where injuries make it difficult to say goodbye, her contribution can be decisive in determining whether relatives dare and have the courage to take a personal farewell from the deceased, which can be crucial in grief processing.

She has seen how forgone goodbyes deepen grief, and how dignified care can provide comfort when everything else is heavy. Therefore, Victoria bears a clear motto:

“Everyone who wishes should be able to say a dignified farewell. Everyone deserves a dignified end.”

A Work Grounded in Respect

Resting in Peace is based on a value foundation where care, quality and discretion in every moment and all work is done by Victoria. In an industry where physical care after death often falls into the dark, Victoria has created a path that puts the human at the center, even when life is over.

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When someone passes away, a notion often arises that a funeral must follow fixed frameworks. But the parting can be as unique as the life that the person leaves behind. There is a great scope to shape ceremonies that reflect the person, the relationships and all that is carried on.

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Today, more and more families seek farewells that feel close and meaningful, where the tone, the words and the place together create a memory to rest in. In the process, music has become a central companion. It expresses what may be hard to say, but easy to feel.

“I sometimes think of funerals as a kind of tribute concert,” says artist and officiant Anna Christoffersson and continues: “People's lives are worth highlighting. When we do something beautiful together, it becomes a gift to those who are left behind.”

Music — a common place to meet

Music can carry memories of a lifetime. It invites presence in a moment that often holds both missing and stillness, and it unites people with different experiences and feelings.

It is also something that many relatives testify to. A person who hired Anna put it this way:

“Experience from a funeral: Anna and her fellow musicians showed an incredibly good musical performance. I know that they are all famous musicians with great CVs, but at least I want to say that this was one of the best things I have experienced on such an occasion. Astonishing singing, lovely piano playing, what an amazing tone in the trumpet.. all so subtle and beautiful, couldn't get any better for our dear friend's funeral.“ Customer about Anna at Trustpilot 

For many, music becomes a bridge between silence and what needs to be said, between grief and everything that lives on in the heart. Musique crire un movimento, una dirección y una seguridad para restar

From Grammy nominations to ceremonial work

Anna has lived with music throughout her professional life and is a multiple Grammy nominee in jazz. Quando è studiato come un attore funerale, la sua artistry took on a new dimension: creating experiences that provide support, warmth and meaning in one of life's most vulnerable moments.

“I have always created whole things, both concerts, events, ceremonies. In this work, music becomes a tool that makes a real difference for people.”

In meeting with families, she uses both her voice and her feeling to shape the context. Sometimes she leads the whole ceremony, sometimes she contributes solely to the music. The shape is always adapted to the person who passed away and to those who gather to remember.

Parting that feels personal and cohesive

A personal farewell is about more than music. It's about how the whole moment gets to shape the rhythm, the pauses, the stories and the presence.

Regardless of how the ceremony is set up, the goal is the same: to create a safe place where people are allowed to be together, without demands, with room for both tears and gratitude.

When a ceremony is thought out and shaped after the people attending, it can provide support long afterwards. When parting becomes personal, it often becomes a memory to hold on to, where the music helps to carry both the grief and all that is left to live on.

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Susanne LJ Westergren and Barbro Ohlson Smith come from completely different backgrounds but have found a common passion in opening up conversations about life's last journey. Where Susanne, with a, Barbro. Together they have created a platform where their complementary perspectives can meet and enrich each other.

Susanne: Think more about death and enjoy life

With a background as a nurse, and with experiences in hospice and emergency departments, Susanne has been close to both the beginning and the end of her life early on. In the middle of her life, she chose to train as a journalist with a focus on science and health. When she herself suffered bereavement in the family, she felt that she lacked both the knowledge and practical tools to deal with all that comes with death and grief. From that experience, the book grew The Art of Caring for an Estate ahead, and then the TV show on SVT Todo estado, in which the complex and often emotionally charged situations arising from a succession are portrayed.

For Susanne, practicality often becomes a way into the difficult, sorting, structuring and arranging. At the same time, she describes how she needs and longs to face the emotional deeper, and how order can sometimes become a refuge.

“For me, there is a spirituality that always accompanies every existence. I can see a soul in something as small as a bumblebee, and I carry care for every life, no matter how small,” after all, we are all part of a huge whole.”

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Barbro: Designing the end

Barbro Ohlson Smith has a long background as a designer with a focus on identity and expression. Quando ha iniziato il podcast My death, my funeral it was to explore whether the same ideas about form and form could be applied to the end of life. She saw how many funerals followed a template and wondered if it was possible to create more personal farewells.

For more than fifty podcasts, Barbro.

“It has changed the way I look at the meaning of life and made me even more value living in the present, being present and taking advantage of relationships,” says Barbro about working on the podcast. Huh, and

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The meeting point: the YouTube channel

When Susanne and Barbro found each other, a common idea emerged: to create a new forum where their different perspectives could meet. The result was a series on YouTube; How does it work - death, life and grief, which has recently been launched. vi. Also, how we can plan for the inevitable death of our own and those of our relatives is a topic that will be included in their productions.

Fact that they choose to broaden their collaboration with YouTube is because they want to reach out to younger generations. Moving media offers new possibilities for purely practical demonstration of how things work and not just tell about it. He, Jocke Wiik, sound engineer and film,.

Together they want to make it easier for us as a society to talk about death; not to set rules, but to dare to reflect, share experiences and perhaps find new ways to value life.

Ahead: more forums for talks

Both Susanne and Barbro see a continued need to create space for existential conversations. Through podcasts, books and now also the video format, they find different ways to reach out to more people. Needed for forums that open up conversations about death remains and Susanne and Barbro are far from finished.

Listen to Barbro's podcast My death, my funeral Aqui
Win YouTube Channel How does it work - death, life and grief Aqui 

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For Katarina Blix Lundqvist, the most beautiful thing about her work is to meet people in the middle of life, and in the midst of grief. As an officiant and singer, she leads funerals with both warmth and presence, describing it as one of the funniest and most meaningful parts of her life.

“I'm curious about people's life stories. It is stimulating to create a great moment together with our loved ones, where we honor life for real.”

When life crumbled and something new began

Catherine's interest in death and the conversation about dying has been around for a long time, but it was in 2017 that it became deeply personal. In a short time, everything changed with both separation and death, and she herself fell into a great grief.

“I then took a course in grief processing through the Swedish Institute for Grief Processing. It became an important turning point. Then I went to further education, both for my own sake and to be able to be there for others.”

Since then Katarina has devoted herself to creating space for conversations about what is often difficult to put into words. She wants to help make death less taboo and grief more visible. One of the ways she does it is through Death Talk, safe rooms where people are allowed to gather to talk about death, life, fears, meaning and loss.

Support at the very last stage of life

As part of her commitment, Katarina has also trained as a certified Death Doula and End-of-Life Planner. In this role, she supports people who are in the final stages of life and their loved ones, through conversations, preparations and presence. Sometimes it's about planning for death in advance, sometimes it's about being there when the end nears. Whatever the situation, her focus is to contribute calm, structure and human warmth. The training was conducted at Going with Grace in Los Angeles, under the direction of Alua Arthur.

Facing Grief — With Singing and Presence

For Katarina, the work as an official is not just about words. It's just as much presence, silence, music, and daring to remain in it that chafes. She often sings by herself during the ceremonies, and uses her voice as a way to create closeness and feeling.

Katarina, a. “It's about keeping a warm and safe frame where people get to feel, remember and say goodbye in their own way.”

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When Frida Hard lost her husband and was left alone with their one-year-old son, the world shook. It wasn't just a love she lost, it was a nuclear family, a vision of the future, an identity.

“It was like the ground was disappearing under me. In the midst of it, I realized how difficult it is for many to face grief. How little space it gets to take up in our society. How quiet it gets,” says Frida.

She began to notice what was missing. Not just support, but a place of grief. Utensils. Attendance.

“Many of us have never been taught how to deal with or face grief. Neither in school, in work, nor in everyday life. It's almost strange. For everyone has or/and will face grief. But we talk so little about it.”

Grief not only became a life-changing experience, it became a driving force. Frida wanted to change something. Make room for the missed conversations. For the feelings that were not expressed. For the quiet rooms where people carry on the difficult, completely alone.

She began to put into words recurring themes in the grief, themes rarely mentioned in superficial conversations: the fear, the anger, the loss of identity.

“I wasn't just sitting. I was angry. I was lost. I didn't recognize myself. A grieve came with so many fears I had to face: How would I cope financially? Was I enough as a mother? Would I ever feel happy again?”

Grief support: a place where grief is allowed to breathe

Six years ago Frida started Grief Support, a business where today she offers mourning circles, lectures, writing exercises and talks, for both individuals and companies.

“Getting to recognize yourself in other people's stories can be so healing. Sometimes we find it difficult to find our own words in grief. But when someone else says something we recognize ourselves in or that we feel completely different about, it can help us find our language, our words. And our new direction.”

Frida continues:”I want to be the voice that I myself lacked, one that says it's okay to feel exactly the way you feel and that all reactions are allowed to exist. If the grieve does not have the essence soaked or silenced, I am allowed to dry in your pocket. I want to be a safe hand to hold in grief.“

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What is death anxiety?

Death anxiety consists of a strong fear of one's own or another's death and its consequences. What constitutes the basic fear can vary from person to person. For some, it may be the grief of losing someone, for others the uncertainty of what happens after death can trigger anxiety.

If you yourself or someone in your life is seriously ill, it is a natural reaction to think about death and its consequences. Being afraid of death is therefore not a psychiatric diagnosis but a normal reaction to the realization that life is finite. But if your thoughts about death take up so much space that they limit your everyday life, such as at work or in your relationships, they pose a problem. Then it may be wise to either investigate what this fear and these thoughts are due to, or try to replace them with other, more helpful, thoughts and behaviors.

It is also not uncommon for death anxiety to occur in combination with other mental illness such as depression, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), health anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or stress-related mental illness. For this, psychological treatment may be required.

Symptoms of Death Anxiety

Since death anxiety itself does not constitute a diagnosis, there is also no list of symptoms. However, here are some examples of reactions that are common in death anxiety:

• Bodily Experiences: Anxiety manifests itself in the body in many different ways such as heart palpitations, increased heart rate, tension, pressure on the breasts, lump in the throat and feelings of panic.
• Feelings: In addition to fear and anxiety, emotions such as anger, sadness, sadness, guilt and shame are also common.
• Thoughts: The fear of death can lead to a preoccupation with thoughts and one can easily fall into a stupor. Questions that concern “why” and “how” can occupy significant time and energy.
• Behaviors: Death anxiety can lead to avoidance of things dealing with death or avoidance of existential issues at large. Other behaviors may be linked to health, such as living life in an excessively healthy way.

Why do you get death anxiety?

Death is in its essence arcane and abstract, and at the same time something that we know for sure will befall us. Therefore, it is not at all strange that we humans from time to time come into contact with strong emotions when we think about the end of life. The function of death anxiety can be multi-bottomed.

From an evolutionary perspective, this fear is essential to our survival. It allows us to avoid dangers that could otherwise lead to our death, such as being alert in traffic. Other personal factors may include having experienced a painful death or a near-death experience of your own. How one views death in one's immediate family, as well as in the cultural and religious context one lives in, also influences how one perceives death. If you see death as something dangerous, secret or distressing, it's no wonder to develop anxiety. Likewise, a perception of death as, for example, the possibility of another life, can be a protective factor for the development of death anxiety.

How do you deal with death anxiety?

Here's some advice on how to deal with your death anxiety.

1. Learn more about your anxiety. Examine your thoughts, feelings, bodily experiences, and behaviors in order to become more aware of how the fear of death affects you.
2. Share your experiences with someone with whom you are safe. Curiously researching and processing these thoughts and feelings together with someone else can also be a good idea. Often a close friend or relative can help with new perspectives and reduce the experience of being alone in one's fear. It can also be helpful to converse with a priest or deacon as death forms a central theme in their profession.
3. Examine what is important in life. Consider what is important in your life and how this can be expressed in the form of concrete actions. As with much else, anxiety has two sides. The other side of the coin is that death anxiety can motivate you to live life: Death forms the dark backdrop that gives life color. Knowing death can take us from a state of pondering why We live to ask ourselves instead how we want to live.
4. “The three pillars”: To reduce your vulnerability to anxiety, it's important to make sure you have a good sleep routine, get enough nutrition, and exercise regularly.

Treatment for death anxiety

Unpleasant thoughts about death something that most people experience from time to time. Death anxiety cannot be cured, because it is not a disease. However, if you suffer so much that it affects you in your everyday life or at the same time suffer from another mental illness, it may be appropriate to seek help.

If you want to get in touch with a psychologist who works with death anxiety, you can book a visit directly to Mindler.

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